Written by Jesus Budda
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Topics: goat, Jamaica, Bob Marley

Tuesday, 1 April 2008

image for Happy Man Mysteriously Stops Whistling
I whistle because I don't know da words, man

Popular cheery guy, Larry Phelps is well known to the citizens of Kingston Town, Jamaica as 'happy Larry', but to everyone's astonishment last Friday he suddenly stopped whistling, wearing brightly colored shirts and pinching the bottoms of hot-looking women.

The nightly News Show on Channel 10 ran various reports on the incident and reactions from ordinary people on the streets.

One particular woman said she was "devastated" and was contemplating suicide. Another man said he sacrificed his favorite beany baby to God in the hope that Larry may start whistling and philandering again.

"Happy Larry is a national institution", said reporter Bob Marley of REFA News, "the man is an inspiration to millions of Jamaicans. His whistling symbolizes the Jamaican spirit of 'don't worry, be happy'".

Sources close to Larry claim that he has just run out of spittle and his lips are dry from constant whistling.

"The man can't be happy the whole time", said the source, "the dude, needs to breath every once in a while. The man is 97 years old, for Christ's sake!".

In the meantime, resourceful locals have dressed a goat like a giant pineapple and have set it loose into the streets as a temporary replacement until Larry recovers.

"Around here we used to use the expression 'as happy as Larry' when we were in a good mood. Now we're starting to say 'as happy as pineapple goat' It's really beginning to catch on".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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