Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 19 March 2008

image for Heather Mills Books Nose Job
Mills is barmy

Heather Mills, the lying ex-wife of ex-Beatle Sir Paul McCartney, was today reported to have made an appointment with a top Harley Street clinic to have her nose reduced in size "to more manageable proportions".

Mills emerged fresh from her Courtroom Divorce Drama this morning bright-eyed, bushy-tailed and peg-legged, to tell reporters that she would be using some of her new-found wealth to downsize her enormous growing beak.

A judge at the High Court told her yesterday that she was "a liar", "a cheat" and that her nose and left leg resembled that of Pinnochio, the little wooden boy.

Mr Justice Bennett said:

"I wouldn't trust her to give me the right time of day."

Mills was awarded £24.3million under the divorce settlement, but claimed this was not enough. Later, Sir Mr McCartney's lawyer Fiona Shackleton, who was drenched when Mills spat at her, said:

"Most people would give an arm and a leg to get their hands on that amount of money."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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