Written by Global Citizen
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: News

Tuesday, 11 March 2008

image for Bloomberg, Reuters & WSJ agree on headlines on crude, dollar and gold

You know it. There should be innovations, originality, creativity in journalism. And all of them try to be creative to differentiate it from the rest, more so in the title, in headlines. It's a maddening crowd, thanks to wired and online news.

But what to do when the news is the same? The editor of Bloomberg, on the other day, shouted on his columnist who wrote 'crude hits new high' as the title sounded exactly same that came from WSJ and also from Reuters, even around same time, with hundred other similar stories. And it's been going on for days. Even Bloomberg itself had 20-news items over last one week itself with same headlines.

What a loss to the economy...

That's sheer wastage of efforts, thought Bernanke and Paulson. More so when the economy is facing a recession, in all likelihood. Productivity must be improved. Other than the readers of thespoof, having all the time of the world, no one would look at same headline news from two or more different infamous sources. And therefore productivity drops. And economy faces further recession.

Must be tackled, immediately, on war footing, thought Paulson.

Comes up Paulson's innovation in tackling another problem after his successful ways of handling the sub-prime crisis. He calls a meeting of the editors of the Bloomberg, Reuters and the WSJ. And starts with his usual style: 'Gentlemen, the US economy is in cross roads that demand your productive growth...'

The editors, having their own ideas on how great a cheater this Paulson is, wonder on the objective of the meeting. Finally Paulson comes to the point. No point in having same headlines news everyday on crude oil, dollar, gold, sub-prime crisis and credit woes though the news practically is the same...why not form a cartel as the OPEC has done?

Not a bad idea...the editors thought.

And they decided that henceforth, following titles will be copyrighted and owned by one of them:

  1. Crude oil hits new high: by Bloomberg
  2. Dollar hits new low against Euro: By Reuters
  3. Gold hits new high: by WSJ

After the meeting, Paulson, facing the media, said:

'This indeed is historic. In-spite of all bad news in the economy, the media firms never had it so good. The story remains same, they just change the date, time and the value. At times, the journalist even create the futuristic story with likely values, and by the time it's up, the value is also achieved in markets. And therefore there was lot of conflicts, and loss of productivity. We have resolved that now. True, the cartel at times squabbles as WSJ feels it got a bad deal, more so as Gold is having a wait and watch policy before it hits $1000. So you may still see some infringements. Eventually, as above headlines become as permament as the Chinese Wall on business news everyday, the insignificant inner fight is likely to subside, eventually.'

Make Global Citizen's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 multiplied by 2?

6 4 10 11

Go to top