Written by Karl Rural
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Topics: Fashion

Saturday, 23 February 2008

image for Karl Urban signs with JP Gaultier
Karl Urban

Pathfinder star Karl Urban has been singled out by fashion guru Jean-Paul Gaultier to represent and design his new collection of body jewelry.

"The man has such a delicious body, you want to pierce him all over just to get to lick him afterwards!" the French creator, renowned for his unconventional uses of sexuality in his shows and collections, declared.

When called to confirm the news the Kiwi actor was at home, feeling a bit dejected about his current project being put on hold. He confessed to us that he wants to become Dr. Bones as soon as possible, since his best mate Viggo Mortensen has recently teased him on the matter, by sending him a bandana with bonking skeletons, which read: "Just Bone Me!"

Either Viggo was teasing Karl about Star Trek, or hinting at a personal request from the New Zealander, we do not know, but we managed to obtain a declaration about the jewelry collection as well.

"I admit I was very flattered when Jean-Paul walked up to me at a red carpet event and just fondled me, telling me God had a good creative day when he made me and that my nipples are utter perfection. Those were his words, and I am still blushing at them. So yes, I agreed to being the face of his body-jewelry line and to designing some of the models."

We also asked if he was planning on wearing one or several of his own creations.

"Well, to be honest, I am wearing the prototypes of three such jewels even as we speak. But they are not in normally visible areas on the body; as long as I get to keep my pants and wife-beater on in a flick, you won't be able to tell."

YUM! Now I feel a sudden wave of compassion for creepy director Marcus Nispel and I actually kind of understand his sudden excessive passion for Karl's body. It must have been so, because there is no other logical explanation for Pathfinder being made.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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