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Friday, 8 February 2008

image for Ahmadinejad in crude deal to outsource floggings, amputations, lapidations and beheadings to Lambeth Palace
One hundred barrels of sweet light crude per idolator's stoning

Tehran, Iran - (Sharia Mess): Bouyed by the Archbishop of Canterbury's return to Old Testament-style of religious realpolitik Iran's President Ahmadinejad is negotiatiating the outsourcing of his country's pesky Sharia Law punishments to Lambeth Palace.

"We might cut a crude deal of course," Ahmadinejad mused today, "say one hundred barrels of sweet light crude per idolator's stoning?

"That's got to be better than Venezuela's President Chavez's deal with Ken Livingstone to swap heavy South American crude for London's unwanted old age pensioners don't you think?

"The Rowan Williams Treaty would be a win-win situation all round.

"We'd have the bleeding heart liberals brigade at the UN off our backs and most of our fellow Islamic detractors over a barrel. Sweet!

"We might even cut a deal to outsource all our Holocaust-bashing denials to the British National Party's Nick Griffin."

Some sticking points remain unresolved in the negotiations, mostly about who will flog Salman Rushdie and which Iranian reality TV station can apply to franchise broadcasting rights.

A spokesman at Lambeth Palace has said this evening that Dr Williams' recent Sharia pronouncement is broadly in line with the Pretender to the Puppet Throne's desire to become Defender of Faiths.

A Parliamentary debate on the subject will be held on April 1st.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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