Written by Dan Holmes
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Topics: Killing, killed

Wednesday, 14 April 2004

World, Wednesday - In a shock development which has left law and order forces all over the world in turmoil, it was revealed today that some people killed some other people and then didn't own up to it.

"We don't know what came over them," said Charley Farley, assistant to someone who apparently catches murderers when they can be caught. "One minute they're washing their cars, eating boiled eggs, buggering their children, next minute they're hitting each other with axes and slicing them to pieces with machetes. And as soon as the dastardly crime is committed they make a run for it, carrying false passports and pretending to be who they're not. It's really not fair."

"Life is just a pain in the arse" says one of these killers, interviewed by theSpoof as she waits in line for her aircraft boarding pass. "My neighbour had been annoying me for so long - mowing his lawn early on a Sunday morning, whistling while he washed his car, leaving his bathroom window open - I just had to sort him out. Death seemed such a good option - and I couldn't resist stuffing a red-hot poker up his rectum. But hey - I'm not supposed to be owning up to this. So go speak to my lawyer."

And this is not the first time people have killed other people and not admitted it. Apparently since Cain slew Abel and then legged it for the woods it is common practice for those who kill others to try to escape, denying their guilt and pretending to know nothing. All we can say is - wow! How brazen is that? It's so hard to believeĀ…..

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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