Written by Zack Matheson
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Topics: Drugs, Health, WHO

Thursday, 10 January 2008

image for World Health Organization Warns of Looming Jenken Abuse Epidemic in US
Jenken - nasty.

WASHINGTON, DC -- While addressing a meeting of the Office of Drug Control Policy (ODCP), health specialist Jacqui Chan warned of a potential epidemic of abusing what she called the next meth or crack cocaine, jenken.

Mrs. Chan explained that jenken is a drug with origins in African countries where fermented feces and garbage produce fumes that are inhaled instead of glue or gasoline with especially hallucinogenic effects. Chan said the potential for widespread abuse was "staggering" because of the large amounts of readily available feces and general waste that can be found anywhere.

"This is not just a drug for the rednecks living near the city dump," said an impassioned Chan. "This is a drug that will effect everyone."

Chan warned that huffing model airplane glue was a gateway drug to jenken abuse.

ODCP Director John "Boy" Walton, responded by creating the "Say No to Jenken" campaign, called "Fecal Matters" for short. Walton warns people to be be on the lookout for jenken dealers who would most likely be found loitering around public restrooms and Porta-Pottys around the country.

This week saw the first jenken fatality in the country, when a thirteen year old boy from Cleveland exploded after attempting to smoke jenken instead of inhaling it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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