Cleveland, Ohio (IPP) - Scientists at the Cleveland Institute of Technology (CIT) have announced a solution to the problem of global warming.
The solution is a thermometer that reads 20 degrees cooler for any given temperature. If the temperature is 80 degrees outside the thermometer reads 60 degrees.
The federal government agrees in principal with CIT's new product and will issue a recall on all existing thermometers. After one year it will become a third degree felony to possess and use one of the older and now obsolete thermometers.
The federal government did something similar years ago when it removed the price of oil from the index that measures inflation as well as the price of food. The inflation rate is lower at any given time thanks to the elimination of these items from that index.
Scientists working for CIT told reporters that this new concept in measuring the temperature is nothing to get alarmed about. They stated that the numbers assigned to the reading of temperature are all arbitrary and after a period of time everyone will forget about the "old ways" and will adopt the new system without question.