Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 22 December 2007

image for Christmas Abolished To Appease Islam
The new Santa Claus

Christmas, that well-known Christian Festival to mark the birth of the Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the one true God in Heaven, and not some stinking old bloke in a smock with tatty sandals, is to be abolished next year in a bid to appease Muslims, who consider it "an insult to Islam".

Muslims, who get outraged over anything these days, have complained to the government that Christmas, in its current form, is blasphemous to the prophet Muhammad, in that, it isn't Islamic. Therefore, say Muslim leaders, it should be cancelled forthwith.

Labour Minister for Festivals, Don Bauble, told MPs in the Commons yesterday, that, although Christmas was a joyous time in many countries, where families came together and showed their love for one another by giving lavish presents such as money and Argos Gift Vouchers, this was seen by many Muslims as "a sign of Western decadence".

Bauble went on to say that this Christmas would go ahead as planned, but in the face of continued and pronounced outrage by Funded Mentalists who have threatened terrorist nativities, next year would undergo some drastic changes.

Christmas 2008 will be known as Chrislam, and will be marked only by a special squad of marksmen firing a volley of machine gun bullets above the cities from dawn until dusk between December 23rd and December 28th. No gifts will be exchanged, and live animal sacrifices will be shown live on all TV channnels instead of the more traditional Queen's speech. Everybody will watch.

The news will come as a blow to retailers, who have seen profits slump to an all-time low in the last quarter of this year, and breweries, who will bear the brunt of the strict no-alcohol policy of clean-living Muslims.

Mr Bauble said:

"We have to face up to the fact that we are now a multi-cultural society, and there has to be a level of acceptance and harmony across the cultural landscape."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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