Written by Phil Rowe
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Tuesday, 18 December 2007

image for World bank releases first draft of imaginary money

A World Bank spokesman yesterday announced that it would be putting up 800 trillion dollars in imaginary money for other banks to borrow. This move was swiftly duplicated by major national banks around the developed world.

The move comes on the brink of a suspected forthcoming recession in a bid to lower interest rates and increase consumer confidence. However, in a frank and off-the-cuff discussion with an undercover reporter, the spokesman said "It doesn't really mean anything - there is no real money anymore. In fact, the last time there was any real money at all was in 1902, when a 4yr old butcher from Llanfairpwllgwyngellgogerychgwyndrobochllantisiliogogogoch swapped a pound of sausages for a lightweight gattling gun - which he subsequently used to hunt prawns in an attempt to diversify his range of animal skin rugs".

The unsuspecting pillock was quoted in full in the major trade newspapers and consumers immediately took to the high street to demand that stressed retailers hand over the goods for the imaginary money they held in their hands. As the majority of people imagined notes of large denominations the retailers were then forced to shell out for extra deliveries of small fantasy change to be delivered by armed guards.

One bedraggled shopkeeper told us "It was mayhem - the money was coming in faster than our tills could count it. Most of the girls have developed huge imaginary blisters on their hands from counting out millions in imaginary change. But I'm not complaining - this is the most stock we've moved since somebody saw a snowflake last year and 10,000 pensioners bought up all of our bread, milk and potatoes"

The Consumer Association has condemned the influx of fantasy cash; "We can't sustain our economy on this alone, the idea is preposterous! Sooner or later somebody or other will want to get actually paid"

But the whines were met with a huge guffaw from the banking world.

"They always try to poo-poo everything" said a smug, suited shit "This is just the way it works now…GET OVER IT!!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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