Written by Jesus Budda
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Friday, 14 December 2007

image for Santa Claus Arrested for 19th Century Child Slavery Crimes
This bad man sends children up and down Chimneys.

Santa Claus - A.K.A "Jolly Old Saint Nick", "Father Christmas", "Pere Noel" - has been arrested and faces extradition after being convicted of sending poor tiny orphan children up chimneys to do his dirty work.

The popular figure was caught red-handed (or red-mittened, in his case) while forcing an elfen-like boy down a chimney spout with a large pointy stick.

The child was later found to be carrying mysterious 'gifts', which a police emergency reponse unit destroyed in a controlled explosion which shatterd the windows of a nearby ornamental glass factory.

"I'm innocent", pleaded Santa, as he was led from court in chains, "I spread joy to the World!".

"Mister Claus is being charged under Article 3/section 15c of the 19th Century anti-child slavery code", said a smug bastard Prosecutor, " The child found at the scene has been indentified as Tiny Tim, who went missing almost 250 years ago in Olde London Town. We suspect Claus of being behind a whole bunch of child abductions."

"They do all the dirty work and he takes all the credit. He claims he goes down each and every chimney - but come on, it's impossible. He's much to fat and jolly."

Indeed, Father Christmas revelled in his notoriaty. Wanted posters depicting the 'career-criminal' have sold in massive numbers. Claus offically registered his image with the patent office - all royalties go direct to his Lapland bank account. He owns a fleet of flying reindeer, a sleigh and a magical bottomless sack.

He also has a secret factory somewhere in the Artic, where it is said, thousands of child-slaves work all year round producing presents. So far, police have yet to discover it's whereabouts.

"Child slavery is wrong", said Holly Leif, of the Child Protextion Services, "and any one supporting this distribution of presents is just as gullty as Santa".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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