Heather Mills has been involved in an accident with a posse of paparazzi and fell foul of the law for beating up three old women.
At approximately 10 o'clock GMT she was in collision with a photographer who had just refused to take her picture. The photographer, Mr Sappy Renton, was sent flying over the bonnet of her parked car. Reporters nearby also refused to write anything about her at which point Heather removed her underclothes and started to scream 'A salt! - I 'ave been' a salted!'. This drew curious and pittying looks from onlookers who shook their heads worriedly as they passed her pathetic figure by. It was at this point that Heather saw red again and started hitting a group of old ladies with her Chanel handbag.
The police were called and Heather has been cautioned for damaging a limited edition clutch bag, although Sting was willing to allow her some credit. About 50p in English money.
Her case comes up next month at Bow Street Magistrates. A spokesperson for the old women said they were as well as can be expected, although one of them is receiving intensive treatment for a disrupted blue rinse.
Heather meanwhile has threatened to join a nunnery in revenge.