Portimao, Portugal - (Disaster Press): Lip-readers hired by the Portimao police have told the Special Porsecutor reviewing evidence in the Maddie McCann case that Pope Joseph Ratzinger might be shielding Kate McCann.
The news comes amid Portuguese press reports that the Vatican confessional where Kate McCann "told Ratzinger everything" was under Interpol videotape surveillance.
And that the thin gauze-covered window of the confessional booth was not enough to block out McCann's desperate plea to her confessor as she sought his pastoral guidance over her dilemma:
"Flippin' 'eck, Yer Holiness! What the f**k should I do now?"
As the law stands a Father Confessor is bound by his Ethics Code of Secrecy to keep the secrets of the Holy Confessional.
But Interpol has battled for 50 years to overturn this tradition of the grounds that all the last 100 popes have been top-notch members of the Mafia and that their lip-service to secrecy is nothing more than the Laws of Omerta.
"We could of course use the tape in evidence but we're expecting a number of leading US Presidential candidates to visit the Pontiff in the next few weeks.
"So we'd rather not blow our cover just yet, while there's still some unfinished business going back to that Zaprudder footage nonsense of November 22 1963!"