Written by Noshing Mink
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Tuesday, 11 September 2007

image for Jihadist suicide bombers ask Western police to shoot them in public places to save buying explosives
Terrorist emails police to arrange time and place for public shooting.

With Western governments freezing Jihadist bank accounts and Moslem countries paying no interest on savings, strapped-for-cash suicide bombers are having to find new and cheaper methods to kill themselves. Few banks will lend to a prospective suicide bomber. Therefore, in what would have been unheard-of only a year ago, terrorists are asking Western police if they could shoot them in public places and call it suicide.

One terrorist said: "It used to be easy to get bombs but that's no longer the case. I get no interest on my savings in the Arab Bank and the British Government has recently stopped my job-seeker's allowance for my work. I simply can't afford to buy bombs any more."

French police gladly shot one Al Qaeda member at a bus station in Paris while Italian police attempting to shoot another in Naples missed and shot a passer-by instead. He is recovering in hospital and the police said they will try again tomorrow.

In Portugal, where all police stations are shut for summer, there have as yet been no shootings. Meanwhile, in London, the trigger-happy Metropolitan Police has offered to shoot terrorists and non-terrorists alike, for a small fee, with discounts for bulk orders.

The British and American Governments are excited at this development and feel that this could be a way to solve the problem of international terrorism. A security expert from Washington said:

"These guys want to die and we're happy to oblige. If they name the time and place, we promise to turn up with a SWAT team and blow their brains out. We'll even throw in a photographer and send the picture to their family at no extra cost. Nobody else needs to get hurt and everybody's happy."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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