Written by Bob Muppet
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Topics: John Kerry, Senator

Wednesday, 3 March 2004

image for Kerry  Shows  Bush  A  Fine  Pair  Of  Tits
Kerry A Tits Man ?

Senator John Kerry's amazing hairstyle overshadowed his recent Democratic Party Presidential nomination, when a pair of tits were found in his magnificent mane.

The shocking discovery was made by Diane Reed, a leading Beverly Hills hair stylist who had been drafted in to give the ageing Massachusetts Senator a make-over.

Senator Kerry's hair appears to have been uncut for decades and it is thought that the humiliation of having a shaved head during the Vietnam conflict made him vow never to cut his hair again.

Professor John Wilson, a top bird expert, commented that it is not uncommon for birds to nest in celebrities' hair, especially when it was long and bushy.

He recalled a similar incident in the Sixties, when the Beatles drummer, Ringo Starr, found a tit nesting in his Liverpuddlian mop.

Whilst acknowledging that tit possession had happened before, political commentators remained baffled as to why the tits had not been seen on T.V. during the Senators intensive media coverage.

‘American tits are very shy ', professor Wilson stated.

‘They would stay out of sight during public appearances, but would come out during quiet times when Senator Kerry was out of the media glare.

Sceptics immediately decried the revelations as a cheap electioneering gimmick, whilst animal rights protesters demanded that a safe home should be found for the tits.

Senator Kerry remained unaffected by the shocking exposé.

‘I don't know why the tits were attracted to me,because I'm more of a leg man myself' he teased.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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