Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Friday, 27 July 2007

image for British man tries to escape global warming by swiming at North Pole; treated for heat exhaustion
A Brit is the first and last man to take a dip at the North Pole.

London, England - Not attempting, to embark on a grandiose adventure to the North Pole as the Robert E. Peary American expedition back in 1909, but rather attain the self-satisfaction of achieving a personal best. So, Lewis Gordon Pugh, 37, decided to be the first man to brave the icy cold bone chilling waters at the North Pole without special equipment and following the Channel Association Swimming Rules.

In so doing, he would be swimming with no more than his Speedos, goggles and cap, to protect him from frostbite.

"Only, things did not quite end up as expected," Pugh recalls from his hospital bed, well being treated for heat exhaustion instead.

Pugh had heard that conditions at the North Pole were changing rapidly due to climate change brought about by effects of global warming, but he did not realize how fast until he arrived there earlier this month.

"I was trying to seek relief from the unbearable heat when I jumped into the waters of the North Pole, " said Pugh. "Not even realizing I was the first man to take a swim at the North Pole. It was just so hot. All I could think of was cooling off at the time in the icy cold water."

Immediately, after jumping in however, Pugh began feeling a burning sensation.

"But that's common when the bare human skin cold comes into contact with the chill of the icy water, or near boiling water, as in my case," calmly explained Pugh from his hospital bed.

He also mistook the condensation of his warm breath with the cold air not the steam vapors rising out of the water around him as his body met near boiling water.

"I did not realize it was anything but the effects of the frigid water, for several more seconds, until I took notice of the fish leaping out of the water onto the melting iceberg before me, trying to escapes being boiled alive."

Sadly, their fishy bodies were too hot for the iceberg, melting themselves right through and leaving little holes behind, as if stacks of poker chips fell right to the bottom a evidence of their passing. Then more would jump out of the hot water again right onto the iceberg, repeating the process indefinitely leaving an unending series of holes behind each time.

"I don't know if they were the same ones. But they kept doing that over and over, " said Pugh. "Until the surface of the iceberg looked like a giant piece of Swiss cheese and that when it hit me that I best get out before there is nothing left for me to grab hold."

Pugh is expected to make a full recovery physically but friend and family say he emotionally scared for life.

"It must have been more traumatic than he lets on, because he has not gone swimming or touched his favorite meal and drink since, fish and chips with ice tea," said Miles Gordon, his uncle.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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