Written by Kent Pete
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Topics: Stephen Hawking

Tuesday, 24 July 2007

image for "I perhaps pitched it too high" admits Hawking
Hawking simply having a laugh.

Odd fucker Steven Hawking left celebrities stunned last night as he appeared to discredit Fang and Wu's theory of Quantum Cosmology at Elton John's annual AIDS benefit dinner.

Speaking to an audience that included Friend's star Jennifer Aniston and Hotel heiress Paris Hilton, Hawking criticised Fang and Wu's work arguing: "Their formalism, y[hij, f] gives the probability amplitude for a certain three-dimensional space S that has the metric hij and matter field f."

He further maintained that "a probability amplitude y gives a number that, when squared, is the probability that something exists. This is often put by saying that the square of the modulus of the amplitude gives the probability. The square of the modulus of the amplitude is | y[hij, f] |2."

Thus claimed Hawking, "Quantum Cosmolgy as a pluralist theory is essentially flawed."

Ex American football star and murderer OJ Simpson said that Hawking should not have used the event to disprove the existence if God and said that he had rather hoped that, as rumored, the madcap scientist was going to join Elton in a karaoke version of "Benny and the Jets".

Victoria Beckham's dim witted husband David looked visibly shaken as he left late last night. Speaking to our reporter the ex spice girl reacted angrily to Hawking, saying: "Somebody should have warned my husband that the evening would include some serious philosophical debate.

"I doubt very much whether he'll be fit to play against Chelsea in the pre season friendly. This has left him so drained. It was all so unnecessary."

Speaking from his gay house in Florida Elton John today apologised to his guests stating: "I will seriously have to think about who I invite next year. Steven was possibly not the best choice for the after dinner entertainment."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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