Written by Patrick Kemp
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Topics: White House, Death

Saturday, 10 September 2005

image for Cuban Death Ray Threat
Batista-ista?

Crawford, Texas - According to an unnamed guest at George Bush's Texas White House barbecue this weekend, Bush stated that Cuba has a death ray and derided Cuba's Fidel Castro for developing the weapon of mass destruction.

"Yup, he's got them, and I'm not kidding. Those folks with all the intelligence don't know about it yet, but I've got my own intelligence. I heard it on the radio, you know, yo habla comida Mexicana real good, and in all my years of presidenting I've never heard more convincing evidence. Sure as shooting, he's got it, and he's using it," Bush reportedly said, describing as evidence the fact that Cuba has been completely silent on this issue.

"In fact Castro has never mentioned it even once," Bush is quoted as saying, "And this time he's not going to get away with it."

Bush said the death ray is a weapon of mass destruction that killed a transmission by Radio Marti and described the incident as "a low-down yellow-bellied bushwhack on the mass media and its innocent listeners that they did right in the middle of a bunch of little children who were singing the Batistaista Cuban national anthem."

According to sources at the U.S. Consulate in Havana, "the Cubans were just laughing" at the quotes.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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