Written by Buck E Filbert
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Thursday, 17 May 2007

image for Jerry Falwell Hits Roadblock On the Path to Heaven
St Peter is the toughest doorman in the biz

We all thought the Reverend Jerry Falwell was a shoe in for gaining admittance to heavenly paradise. Unfortunately there seems to be a little hitch in his paper work clearing his ascendancy to nirvana.

According to eye witnesses on Hollywood Blvd. a physic named, Lady Rose, soothsayer and prognosticator to the stars, channeled The Rev Falwell, totally by accident, while doing a tarot card reading for some tourists.

"Why, we were getting some information about our chances to win the Alabama lottery when all of the sudden, Lady Rose, went into a unscheduled, unpaid for, unexpected, trance." said Luthur Hamner.

"It was all spooky like," said Beth Hamner, "she was reading the tarot, all of the sudden there was Jerry Falwell, we didn't pay for Falwell we were trying to get lottery numbers."

Apparently Lady Rose started channeling the Reverend involuntarily, Jerry had been denied access to Heaven by the ultimate doorman St. Peter.

"We have extremely stringent criteria as to whom may enter the realm of God, can't just have anyone in the club now can we"? said St. Peter

St. Peter cited the following rules as to why the Reverend was being denied admittance.

First, off he pushed his way in front of other people in line. He kept saying he had a personnel relationship with God, God had never heard of the guy.

Second, He lied about jumping line to gain access to Heaven. God doesn't like liars.

Third, He lacked the proper paper work confirming his selfless acts and good deeds in life.

Forth, He didn't have a hot chick on his arm while trying to gain access and he was dressed in polyester, no one wears polyester any more, it's so 70's

Jerry Falwell was requesting through Lady Rose that everyone pray for him to gain entrance into Heaven. The more people that pray for him telling all the good he did in life should clear up this terrible misunderstanding.

From the desk of
Buck E Filbert
5/17/07

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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