Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 5 May 2007

image for Thai Government To Redeploy Expat Teachers
Listen to the voice of Buddha...

The government of Thailand has come up with a shrewd plan to combat the threatened effects of Global Warming, as predicted by the Commission for Climate Change this week. Warned that, if current trends continue unchecked, Thailand would be largely underwater by 2050, the authorities have decided to build a 'perimeter wall' - and to use the local expatriates to build it!

There are an estimated 200,000 Western expats living in the kingdom, many of whom are employed in the education sector. The government begrudgingly grants them visas so that they may "attempt to impart their knowledge" to the locals, and help them to 'speak English'.

In an uncharacteristic display of both foresight and planning, the Ministry of Labour has said that anyone applying for a new visa at the Immigration Department will be required to assist with the new building project. The countless building sites on Bangkok's skyline will grind to a halt, if they haven't already done so, and a mad scramble to erect several thousand miles of dam wall will commence in November after the rainy season has come to an end.

The 100-foot high barrier will run all the way around the country's borders with Malaysia, Myanmar, Laos and Cambodia, and is expected to take more than ten years to complete.

Minister for Madcap Building Projects, Pol. Capt. Chalerm Gohoke, a dirty dog whose grandfather helped lay the Death Railway in 1943, is head of the initiative. He claims to have "had a dream" in which the Lord Buddha appeared and told him to "build a wall", and defended his decision to use foreign slave labour when he told Bangkok Post reporters:

"Der ah men-ee layzee pee-pan in Thailan'."

Local computer expert Harry Palmer, who "teaches" in the capital, said:

"It's just another attempt by the Thai authorities to rid the country of foreigners."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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