Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 5 April 2007

image for Jesus Christ Choked On Easter Egg - Claim
Be careful how many you eat

Christians gathering for their annual feverish shindig at the isolated outpost of Christendom, Easter Island, are up-in-arms over the radical views on Christianity, of one of its own disciples.

Red de Ville, of Texas, has caused outrage amongst religious leaders by pointing out that the traditionally accepted version of the events surrounding Jesus' death is inaccurate.

The Bible (a big, fat Courtroom book often found in the drawers of bedside tables in hotels) holds that the Son of God was crucified on Good Friday, but then resurrected the following Monday.

Mr de Ville, an amateur archaeologist, claims to have undertaken extensive excavations on the south side of Easter Island, and discovered "many bones" alongside bits of coloured silver foil wrapping paper.

This, he says, is conclusive proof that Jesus met his tragic and untimely death after choking on an Easter Egg.

This is also how Easter Island came to be known as it is.

With regard to the 'resurrection', says de Ville, a mere matter of grammatical inaccuracy has rendered the Bible version as "muddled".

Rather than 'resurrection', he suggests, Jesus may have undergone 'regurgitation' of the Egg, or, if an alcoholic state were partly the cause of his collapse, 'resuscitation' may have been offered by less-drunk pals.

Church leaders have branded de Ville's views as "devilish", and say that only a madman could be responsible.

One God-botherer on the island, Chastity Simpleton, 12, said:

"He's gowen strayt t' Hay-ell!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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