Written by Fergus McCarthy
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Friday, 30 March 2007

image for Pope John Paul II cured French nun's Parkinson, Letterman and Leno addiction.
Sister Marie is now cured of her Parkinson addiction.

Paris-France; In scenes reminiscent of a Mother Teresa press conference, French nun Sister Marie Simon-Jolie faced the worlds media today and told proudly of how the former Pontiff Pope John Paul II had cured her of her terrible addiction to the British chat show 'Parkinson'.

Sister Marie was cured seemingly overnight when an electrical storm blew up the only television in the convent just before the show was due to begin at 8.30pm on Canal+ the French national broadcaster.

Speaking in a cheerful almost sing song 'Sound of Music' sort of way, the miracle nun told the crowd of hardened hacks: "That night was the first night in 13 years that I had missed a chatshow, Michael Parkinson was my favourite, but if i had to, I would watch the Letterman show or Jay Leno and pray to god to fix the poor mans chin"

On the evening of June 2nd 2005 just two months after the Pontiffs death Sister Marie was praying to John Paul II for a new 32 inch pro logic surround sound Plasma television when an inner voice spoke to her telling her to give up her infatuation with the knee touching silver haired fox affectionately known in Britain as 'Parky'.

"I knew instantly that it was the holy father speaking to me" she whispered suddenly overcome by emotion, "He urged me to stop wasting my evenings watching mindless drivel spouted by overpaid false idols and suggested that I would find a greater sense of inner peace if I restricted myself to watching the UEFA Champions League football instead and he was so right!

Now I never watch chat shows, I couldn't give a shite about who has what film coming out or how many times Robin Williams could get away with telling the same jokes on different networks, now I just cheer on my favorite French football team Arsenal with the sexy Arsene Wenger keeping an Iron grip on his finely tuned rod..... Sorry squad."

When asked by one reporter wether she thought what had happened was a miracle Sister Marie replied " I don't know, but to me it was like a second birth."

That one innocent remark prompted a media frenzy given that Sister Marie is of the order of "The Little Sisters of Catholic Maternity's" and so the bewildered nun was quickly bundled out of the press conference and straight into a waiting Pope Mobile.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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