Written by ErHoff
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Money, War

Friday, 30 March 2007

image for Wholesale murder at retail prices is just plain wrong.

AUSTIN TEXAS - Today the U.S. Office for Revaluation of Institutional Finance In Competitive Efficiency or ORIFICE, announced that although today's biggest rogue terrorist states have the power to kill, maim, and bring segments of populations into submission with fear, they aren't doing it efficiently. They are spending trillions of dollars on fear campaigns, unprovoked wars, and countless acts of subjugation, and still at the end, of the day their victims have not lost hope that peace and fairness will be part of their future.

The two biggest rogue terrorist states: the United States, and Israel, blow their noses on the Human Rights provisions of the UN Charter, and wipe their asses with copies of the Geneva Conventions; drop cluster bombs on civilians, while spending billions on a single air plane bomber. If you thought the cost of life was expensive, just wait till you see the cost of their killing machines!

These governments often draw historical comparisons, especially to ones with charismatic leaders that killed large numbers of people while their respective general population sat on the sidelines in some imaginary separation of conscience a-k-a patriotism. In the modern American culture the masses endure disproportionate class prejudice, the poor fight and die for obscene profits of the rich, no body wants to look at the most expensive military in the history of history still not having basic combat gear for the troops on the ground, or that on September 10, 2001 the news from the American Dept for War reported 2.3 trillion dollars unaccountable (of course Rumsfeld knew the next day that would be forgotten). So much money for killing, but all along lacking efficiency is no way to run a War Department.

This has lead ORIFICE to rank Germany's Third Reich the most efficient in terms of spending on murder and mayhem. Efficient because they put people back to work, it kept up its transport system and built super highways, produce dependable fuel-efficient automobiles at prices working families could afford. Reducing a 30% unemployment rate was no small feat either. Taking the terrible consequences of the lives lost and the immorality out of the equation and just looking at it from a bean counter's viewpoint it was quite remarkably efficient.

ORIFICE representative Rusty Riaszr said: "…today the US spends 195,000 dollars every minute for their Iraq mess, and what do they have to show for it? The US sends $8000000 per day in military support of Israel's war on their neighbors. Israel throws the all the bombs at Lebanese and Palestinian children that the United States can buy it and still they have no capitulation. Carrying out wholesale murder at retail prices is just plain wrong. Mr. Hitler achieved much more dramatic results without spending half as much. Mr. Bush is symbolic of the bloated inefficiency that will be the downfall of his American Fourth Reich."

Funny thing is Hitler's own generals tried to stop him permanently, and Bush's generals are too inefficient to even try.

War and killing are terrible, there is no reason ever again for war, nothing justifies the massive loss of life.

Make ErHoff's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 plus 4?

8 7 4 21

Go to top