Written by Captain Dopey
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Monday, 26 March 2007

image for Scientists To Invent Some New Things
An Invention

A team of scientists - including a selection of boffins and eggheads - are to invent some totally new things by the year 8005. Amongst the things to be invented are a car which can run on used beard-clippings, a telescope able to see into the human mind and a box for keeping atoms in.

Prof. Brainstorm Quantum of The University Of Europe, a leading expert on knowledge, explained "we are working on some devices which will be able to do things which can't be done now. At this very moment, a group of us are experimenting with at least five contraptions and a gizmo, and hope to have a working model of a sort of machine up and running by next year. Maybe."

Governments all over the world are pouring quite a lot of money into research into novelties, with the USA leading the way - it has been estimated that almost 300 dollars are being spent each year on training computers to think of 'something else'. However, even though modern computers are capable of storing every word used for the past billion years on a disk the size of a small cigar, more investigation is needed before these ideas become reality.

"We need to develop some special tools before the things can be constructed, and it all costs money", said Professor Quantum. "We are organising a 'Let's All Think Of Something' series of seminars, talks and bouts of vague reminiscing in order to come up with some new ideas. These ideas will be placed in a box, shaken up and perhaps something will happen. You never know".
Anyone interested in building a new device or writing some equations can contact the team at ItLooksSortOfLikeAWheelbarrow.com or phoning Europe 23 between now and the future.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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