Written by Joey da dog
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Thursday, 15 March 2007

image for Hurricane Prediction Center forecasts the Second Coming
WARNING! End of world ahead.

The increasing frequency and violence of tropical storms has nothing to do with global warming according to Warren Chisum, the Republican chairman of the Texas state legislature's House Appropriations Committee. He believes it's a sign from God that the Second Coming is imminent.

Many think it will arrive in the form of the most powerful storm in history, based on the prophecy in I Thessalonians 4 which says, "For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God."

Is it just coincidence then, that in the list of assigned hurricane names for the coming year, we see the seventh storm of the season will be called Gabriel?

Storm references in scripture concerning the End of Days are widespread. Luke 21 tells us, "On the earth, nations will be in anguish and perplexity at the roaring and tossing of the sea." The book of Revelation says, "Look, He is coming with the clouds." Matthew 24 referring to the Flood says, "As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man." And what agency is responsible for hurricane predictions? None other than the National Oceanic & Atmospheric Administration, or NOAA.

From Daniel 12, "Keep this prophecy a secret; seal it up so that it will not be understood until the end of times, when travel and education shall be vastly increased!"

Finally, Matthew 24 also instructs us to "Keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come." So my advice to Warren Chisum is to keep a close eye on those storm warnings. When the big one comes, ignore those statutory evacuation orders, for they are issued by Satan's minions. Take advantage of that 'vastly increased travel', and get your ass down to the bay, because Jesus wants you for a sunbeam.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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