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Thursday, 1 March 2007

image for New Dead Sea Scrolls Shocker: Jesus not son of God! John Inman outed!
De Dead Sea Scrolls!

In the Dead Sea, yet more scrolls were found this week. Some of them were apparently written by Jesus himself aged 30, where he controversially denies that he is the son of God.

In one of them, he writes: "Me cannot believe dem fools tink me de son of God. Me can preach good, but my mum ain't no virgin, that's for sure. She be de best old ho' in Betlehem, me so proud of her."

It appears that Jesus was not the son of God and did not perform miracles. Not only did he have a Jamaican accent, he also apparently had access to a time machine. In other parts of the scrolls he writes: "Me really enjoy watching dat 'Are you being served?' But dat John Inman, he be such a batty boy."

Jesus is also thought to have had videos of "Will and Grace" brought back to his own time but it is not clear if he had a video recorder with him to be able to watch them. His opinions on the gay one off "Will and Grace" are not complimentary.

The Catholic Church has responded to the scrolls by saying that it still doesn't prove that Jesus was not the son of God, because God might not want him to know about his past. The Church also pointed out that Jesus's apparent homophobia justified their attitude, and promised to reintroduce the lynching of gay priests.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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