Written by Gail Farrelly
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Tuesday, 20 February 2007

image for Goldilocks Gets a 'Britney' Buzz Cut from Baby Bear
What's the buzz about Baby Bear?

In a stunning confession today, a defiant Baby Bear took the blame for shearing off the beautiful golden locks of the pint-sized home invader the press calls Goldilocks.

"What was I to do?" Baby Bear asked reporters at a news conference hastily called by the Bear family. "She ate my porridge, broke my chair, and slept in my bed." Mama Bear nodded and added, "She broke into our home and deserved to have her head shaved." Papa Bear agreed, pointed to his son, snickered, and said, "HE certainly didn't invite her into his bed." Baby Bear was released in the custody of his parents and is due back in court next month.

Goldilocks has fared much better. Sporting her bald head proudly, she's sought help from Dr. Phil and has also scheduled appearances on Oprah and Good Morning America. She's working on a book about the home invasion and its aftermath. One of the book titles she and agent Judith Regan are considering is: "If I DID Invade the Home, So What?"

In addition to TV appearances and the book deal, Goldilocks is looking forward to her hair growing back. In the meantime, she's selling her shorn locks on eBay and making a fortune. In addition, she's working on developing a new line of hair-care products that will be marketed under the name BuzzBear.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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