Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Jade Goody

Thursday, 25 January 2007

image for Celebrity Big Brother Fiasco - India Mobilises Armed Forces
Things are certainly hotting up

From tiny acorns do giant oak trees grow. Last week, Big Brother housemates Jade Goody and Shilpa Shetty clashed swords in front of millions of TV viewers worldwide. From Goody, raw racist bigotry; from Shetty, polite passivity.

Yesterday, the tiny acorn started to grow rather quickly into a magnificent oak specimen when India mobilised its armed forces, and trained its nuclear warheads on targets within the British Isles.

Troops have been withdrawn from the Pakistan border, and are now on full alert. The Indian government has also called-up more than 20 million "reservists" with another 125 million on standby. Satellite surveillance has confirmed activity around all of the country's nuclear missile sites.

There has been almost universal condemnation of the remarks made by Mr Goody, and the war of words between India and Britain has become known as "The Poppadom Conflict".

Goody, himself, has volunteered to travel to India as a Special Envoy to try to diffuse the row.

"I'll go 'a Delly...Dilly...Dolly...whatever the f**k they call it. Show 'em me new perfume, win' I?" he blustered in typical Chavslag fashion.

India reacted by ordering huge quantities of industrial strength rope from Iraq.

The British government is in turmoil over the matter.

Dennis Anxiety, Minister for Blind Panic, consulted his American counterpart, Al Laidback, in Washington for advice, and was told that, whatever else the British did, "they should not evict Jermaine, as this would seriously affect his comeback".

Celebrity Big Brother continues tonight until Armageddon.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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