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Thursday, 12 June 2014

image for Ukraine's Defense Minister Mistakenly Buys Wrong Kind of Tanks
Corporal Moronavich Koval: Ordered wrong tanks

Kiev, Ukraine - The acting Defense Minister for Ukraine, Colonel General Mykhailo Koval, was put on administrative leave this week after one of his top aides mistakenly ordered septic tanks to replace the country's current armored forces of aging Russian T-64 Main Battle Tanks (MBT).

Corporal Moronavich Koval, Colonel General Koval's nephew, ordered 300 "BRUISER" septic tanks, made by Norwesco, based in St. Bonifacius, MN, USA. Apparently, Corporal Koval researched tanks on Google and thought the Bruiser tanks were modern main battle tanks made by Norway. He paid less than $2000 per tank, plus shipping. In contrast, the United States' M1A1 Abrams MBT goes for $4.3 million each. The German Leopard 2A5, which is what Norway actually uses as its MBT, costs approximately $4 million. It is reported that Corporal Koval was disappointed that the tanks weren't included in Amazon Prime, which would have gotten him free 2-day shipping.

Corporal Koval himself was present for the arrival of the shipment of Bruisers at the Ukrainian port of Odessa. He became confused when he couldn't figure out how to drive the tank. He then got his arm stuck in one the the Bruiser's out-flow holes and had to be extricated by dockworkers.

When the United States' Secretary of State's office was asked to comment, Under Adjunct Assistant Deputy Junior Secretary Blanch Johnson issued a statement that said "What the hell is a Colonel General?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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