Written by queen mudder
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Sunday, 20 April 2014

image for Another St George's Day, another St George's Magic Mushroom appears on Palace lawn
Thanks, George, but we have quite enough 'fun guys' of our own round here

London - A notorious toxic fungus, the St George's Day Magic Mushroom (Cylosabe gambosa stupidiana) has suddenly sprouted on the Queen's grass close to a newly planted Weeping Korean Blue Pine (Pinus PyongYang Mutatis Bwa-ha-ha), an 88th Birthday present from Kim Jong-UN.

Dreaded by generations of Tudors, Stuarts and superstition-mad House of Hanover monarchs the fungus last popped up on royal territory centuries ago when an infestation materialised under a Whitehall Poplar just days before the traitor King Charles the First's execution, circa 1649.

NATO archivists also record that a Teutonic hybrid cultivar was spotted in Spandau Prison on the day that Rudolf Hess was found dead, mysteriously auto-erratically asphyxiated after supping on an omelette made from the fried mushroom, a birthday treat from Hitler's Pope.

Other ominous sightings are said to include an appearance on the day that Rolling Stones guitarist Brian Jones was fished out of an East Sussex swimming pool where scene of the crime investigators reported seeing lots of dried St George's Day Magic Mushrooms half-smoked in the musician's bong.

"That's the last time he went for a paddle with that goddam stupid hookah," Keith Richards' feng shui consultant later said.

Indeed, so toxic is the fungus that World Heath Organization mycologists have named a number of its lethal first cousins after the British royal family.

These include the highly poisonous Destroying Angel (Amanita virosa Princess Diana), the Death Cap (Amanita Phalloides Kate Middleton) and the ultimate puffball nasty the Fly Agaric (Amanita Muscari Camilla Parker-Bowles).

Wednesday's royal breakfast special menu includes fried hash brownies with a crunchy St George's Day Magic Mushroom topping.

Prince Philip's foraging gear includes an electronic cattle prod.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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