Written by Jack Allen
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Sunday, 8 June 2014

image for Falkland Islands Debate To Be Settled This Friday.
The Argentinians will alter and rename the game Rock-Paper-Cameron if they win

Prime Minister of Britain David Cameron and the President of Argentina, Mrs. Cristina Fernández de Kirchner, are to meet this Friday to engage in a best of five game of Rock-paper-scissors for the undisputed ownership of the Falkland Islands.

The Falkland Islands have been disputed by the two countries for a considerable amount of time, including a short and brutal war in the 1980s, but this has not stopped the two countries arguing over the British Territory. However, in a dramatic twist, both parties have now decided that a schoolyard game will be the final action ever to be taken over the islands.

After having the game explained to him, David Cameron said: "After much deliberating with my cabinet, Argentina and the United Nations, we decided that the Falklands debate needed to come to a permanent close. They (Argentina) did suggest a game of Football but that was never going to happen. Instead we will decide the fate of these stupid islands by playing a stupid game instead."

With the historic event being made official, the conditions surrounding the game were the next focal point for both parties. The British government asked for Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner to wear a "top that does not expose her feminine assets" so Cameron is not distracted during the game. However, the Argentines quickly responded to this request by stating that Cameron could not attend if this was their reasoning as the British PM is "just one big feminine asset in a cheap suit". According to sources in the British government, David Cameron was annoyed by the aforementioned comments and has now arranged his plans to celebrate his victory this coming Friday. Allegedly, the England football team will hold up a banner before their upcoming game, showing Cameron inserting his 'rock' into the President of Argentina, which will later be revealed as the new flag for the Falkland Islands.

Even with this statement being made, confidence in the British Prime Minister to win the contest is almost non existent as a vote of no confidence has swept across the British Isles. The Tory party has tried to boost public moral by tweeting about Cameron's victory against fellow party members William Hague and Boris Johnson but this has yet to dent the overwhelming negativity the public hold about the upcoming event.

Even though the Liberal Democrats and Tories have separated themselves from one another over the past year, Nick Clegg has stated that he believes David has every chance of succeeding, and has put his viewpoint across in a way everyone living in the UK can fully comprehend. "David will be fine. When it comes to this game he is as deadly as a faulty radiator in an old folk's home!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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