Written by Gee Pee
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Saturday, 8 March 2014

MOSCOW, RUSSIA -- In a second attempt to garner publicity within weeks of its first, the Russian punk band Pussy Riot--or two of their members, at any rate--entered a U.S. restaurant, McDonald's, and ordered green paint for breakfast.

Their order was served by six employees pretending to be detractors assaulting them. As they shouted obscenities, the employees threw the women's breakfasts into their faces. "Get out of Russia!" the men screamed. "Go to Amerika, where Obummer will give you food stamps, Obummercare, and the asylum you obviously need."

By "asylum," the women's "attackers" clarified, they didn't mean political asylum, but confinement in a mental health institution such as the Federal Emergency Management Agency operates in its many secret underground concentration camps.

Pussy Riot posted the video of the "attack" on YouTube, as if it were a genuine assault. "We only want to sing the truth," one of the band's members contended, looking sadly into the video camera. "Look how we--and the truth--are treated in the totalitarian motherland."

During the winter Olympics in Sochi, four of the band members were assaulted by Russian security forces who beat the women with horsewhips as they struggled to sing and dance in public. Although the band insists that this was "an unprovoked attack" on them, Russian president Vladimir ("Vlad the Impaler") Putin says, "It never happened--not officially, anyway. It was merely a publicity stunt on the part of the band."

Two of the band members spent two years in prison after publicly denouncing Putin and his"KGB stooges." They were released just days before the Sochi Olympics, which they "sought to disrupt with their antics," Putin said.

After Pussy Riot has had time to "regroup," the band plans to "try the new KFC" in Leningrad, where, they said, they have heard that "prisoners' rights are being violated" and "the colonel's chicken is finger-licking good."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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