MOSCOW - Vodkavich, the Russian national news agency has stated that President Putin has instructed his Director of Computers Edward Snowden to perform a document investigation on an American talk show host.
Putin told Snowden to go into the NSA archives and pull out anything of an R or X rated nature in regards to Ellen DeGeneres and forward it to GOP maven Ann Coulter.
It is no secret that Vladimir Putin is one of the world's biggest homophobes and he has never cared for the likes of lesbianites such as Ellen DeGeneres, Rosie O'Donnell, Robin Roberts, Queen Latifah, or Melissa Etheridge.
Snowden let President Putin know that he was able to come up with a total of 2,003 documents of risque matters involving the blonde talk show host who recently hosted the Academy Awards Show.
SIDENOTE: One thing that Snowden found out about Ellen is that ever since she was 6, she has been wearing boys underwear including her all-time favorite Batman boxer shorts.