Written by Backandtotheleft
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Wednesday, 8 January 2014

Back and to the Lefts favourite dictator (since Mugabe stopped being cool) is at it again! Kim Jong-un, democratically elected leader of the glorious nation of North Korea, decided to kill off a couple of his closest advisors. Despite widespread speculation stating that he would do this by sitting on them he eventually settled on having them shot.

Kim, the exalted guiding light of the chosen people of North Korea, said that he was merely clearing the party of "factionalist filth". Or as we call them in the UK human beings. The one thing Back and to the Left have learned about "factionalist filth" is that they stop being so dam "factionalist" if you fill them full of bullets. So you could say that Kim, small but perfectly formed avatar of wanton destruction to Koreas foes, really knows how to micro manage before things get out of hand.

Kim, almighty shining beacon of hope and truth on the Asian peninsular, had his Uncle shot to increase unity in the party. You see in North Korea nothing screams unity more than being gunned down by your Nephews henchman. Speculation increased over the week as to why Kim, lord and ultimate saviour of the Korean way of life, had his Uncle shot. Suggestions included wanting to spend money on feeding people instead of rockets, saying "this stupid argument that divides our country has gone on for long enough" and for not knowing the words to Jingle Bells.

Back and to the Left news discovered on one of our many trips to Korea (what? We went to Korea? You calling us liars? If you don't shut your filthy lie hole we'll punch you in the windpipe) what the real reason was.

Jang Song Thaek's (Kim's Uncle like you didn't know) particular crime? He didn't send Kim, General of the mighty and everlasting sky army, a Christmas card. What a cunt!

Information has just come available to Back and to the Left news that Jang Song Thaek wasn't shot! But before you start celebrating it turns out he was actually thrown to starving dogs. A 67 year old man thrown to starving dogs, Happy New Year humanity.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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