Written by John Peurach
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 19 November 2013

image for Supreme Leader This & That - North Korea's Kim Jong-un Still Crazy After All These Years In A Nutshell Without A View All By Himself
North Korea Mon Amour (Not): Somewhere deep inside the cockeyed heart and mind of not your father's Supreme Leader.

Just when you think that puffy prone Supreme Bottom Feeder - I mean, Leader - of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, couldn't get anymore whack-a-doodle than he already has previously exhibited on a regular basis during the full-tilt course of his so far (so not so good) totally clueless sore head/thumb up his ass rule, along comes one more out to lunch click of the nearest available for real deal behind why oh why this here dim bulb idiot dunce bird has officially flown the coop of any sort of almost but not quite there sanity, and then some.

In other words - above and beyond his whole from the get-go would-be low rent glum guy act, otherwise gleaned while crouching like a scared little bitty kitty behind his pop's enormously ineffective bushy headed shadow-driven weirdness - during this year alone there was his how you not like me now response to his once upon another time ex-girl friend (North Korean pop star, Hyon Song-wol) who he felt the need to execute (along with other members of her band, the Unhasu Orchestra, plus, those of the Wangjaesan Light Music Band) as a result of an alleged pornographic video they apparently all made together.

Toss in the fact that Jong-un made Song-wol's family (as well as the families of all the others) witness their direct hit firing squad execution, then had said family you know what out-of-luckers sent off to stew away for eternity in a prison work camp, and it's, well, no wonder everyone around the don't bother knockin' cause obviously no one endorses rockin' royal palace holds their collective breath every time their fearless/heartless leader gets an erection lasting longer than 2.0 seconds (with or without the pound away aid of a strategically well delivered ball peen hammer) that he doesn't know how to assume the blame for, and/or, improperly handle all by himself. (But that's another story.)

Meanwhile, then there was the once upon a recent time when Jong-un had and entire city block in reasonably attractive uptown Pyongyang blown to kingdom come (no pun intended, but, sure, if you're going that way, don't say I didn't warn ya) all because it was reported that several Victoria Secret catalogs were allegedly delivered to various residents within the sprawling series of interlocking apartment complexes sharing the same outdoor spigot of periodically running water.

And, worse yet, that the central figure within this tragic occurrence - Ms. Kim Kim-Kim Kim-Park, 22 - allegedly made an illegitimate legitimate purchase of a Victoria Secret item. All of which apparently failed to arouse anything other than hate and revenge in the absent heart-like cavity of Jong-un.

Or, at least seemed to not do the trick once it was relayed to him - following his usual all night lookie-see & eat date with a season's worth of highly sought after episodes of "Wheel of Fortune" and a case (or two) of Chips Ahoy - that despite Ms. Kim-Park's sink not swim testimony in her televised tribunal that she was totally convinced that what she purchased was in fact the most alluring style of dental floss she'd ever seen for sell, or recklessly witnessed being demonstrated by an assortment of full-throttle females in the company of TV heart knob Charlie Sheen during a highjacked airplane stopover in Singapore, her days were numbered.

And thus, soon to be counted off by Jong-un via both his tiny hands and untrimmed down there roster of overly painted hammer toes.

Now comes word out of the not exactly chipper North Korean capital that Jong-un has recently announced via state controlled TV/radio/hear ye! hear ye! avenues of the ongoing kind that a higher than usual (with a chance of pain) price has apparently been put on the collective heads of Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock and David Spade on account of recurring published reports that each of the four fellows in question "like really, totally suck" in 'Grown Ups 2."

Meanwhile, in a similar reprimand motivated move by Jong-lu that recklessly echoes whatever had to get up to get down there hit has been aimed at the fabulous crew of "Grown-Ups" boys will be boys on parade, Rob Schneider has apparently just been issued with his own not so private Supreme Leader Endgame notification in response to advanced reports just now coming in that he "blows big time" in Quentin Tarantino's upcoming (just in time for dads and grads!) jazz age jive-a-thon cinematic reset, "The Great Gatsby 2."

In still other words, talk about yow!

And, oh yeah, who knew that "Big Time" has long been one of the rotating stage names (along with "Mr. Kickstand") of Furrocco Supitayaporn, the most notoriously prodigious hail male performer currently alive and headed for someone's idea of hell due to his ongoing business end activities well within the cozy confine hardcore world of Thailand's renegade XXX film industry?

Well, now you do.

In still other other words, as far as Kim Jong-un is concerned, yeah, well, so what else is new?

Make John Peurach's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 plus 1?

5 4 7 2

Go to top ^