Written by S.A. Merk
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Tuesday, 30 July 2013

LONDON - The newest member of the royal family has been named. According to a royal insider, the namesake of the young prince is George Zimmerman despite rumors that it was actually the Queen's father, King George VI.

In recent reports, William and Kate decided to do something different when it came to naming the little prince. They would break with the royal tradition of choosing unique and exclusive monikers for future kings of England. Rather than choose a name that would be distinctive like Henry, John, or Arthur, the royal couple went with George, in honor of the now infamous neighborhood watch commander, George Zimmerman.

Prince Harry, who was named after a certain wizard, argued that he was the first to break with tradition. However, according to the Queen, because Harry's namesake was "made up" it doesn't count.

According to an explanation offered by the Duchess, the family deliberated on the decision for hours finally agreeing on the name because it exemplified a life of righteous innocence. However, according to a jury of 12, it only meant criminally not guilty. Any resemblance to civil innocence would be determined later.

Prince William has vowed to take his son to the ancestral home of George Zimmerman, the namesake of England's future king. After returning from a trip to visit Princess Diana's final resting place at Althorp Estate, the new parents announced their royal plans for this historic pilgrimage.

A royal insider stated the new parents will set young Prince George on a "righteous path" befitting a king or watch commander. In an effort to try and heal both nations, plans are to follow in the footsteps of his namesake, so clearly marked in defense exhibit B.

Reports state that their journey is planned for October, to coincide with Zimmerman's birthday celebration and gala. Florida police chief, Capt. Wi Gottit, a former NTSB public information officer, announced that the royal guard will not be allowed on premises, citing concerns over security. "Since there will be plenty of neighborhood watch patrolling the site, the Queen's security would only be a royal pain in the grass."

William has admitted that Rev. Al Sharpton, Rev. Jesse Jackson, and President Barack Obama will not be invited to the party. He stated that the decision was simply "a prejudiced rush to judgment" and if anyone would understand, these fair-minded men would.

The Queen has asked the public to refrain from bearing firearms and from wearing hoodies to the gala event. "We've asked Floridians to just stand their ground so we can all enjoy the party."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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