Written by Backandtotheleft
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Topics: Syria, William Hague

Sunday, 28 July 2013

William Hague has gone on holiday and luckily for the people of Syria (and the rest of the Middle East) he has sent an email out asking not to be disturbed. So if the people doing the uprisings and the rebellions can get their shit together and get sorted in the next four weeks they won't have to worry about Mr Hague throwing his two penneth in. By "two penneth" Back and to the Left news of course means guns and bombs.

Mr Hague asked his staff not to disturb him as he jetted off to exotic locations with his family in tow. Really there isn't much difference between his day job and his holiday. Except this time he won't be trying to sell fighter jets to countries that can't even be bothered to provide their populations with clean water.

Back and to the Left news have never understood any of the reasons put forward by Mr Hague as to why we should arm the Syrian rebels. As far as we (and a large part of the international community) can tell their all as bigger wankers as each other. We spoke to Abdal Malik a taxi driver from Damascus. He had a face that told a story and his eyes said "don't you even think about not paying for this taxi":

"Since the news that Mr Hague, or the bald Satan as we call him, was going on holiday there has been much rejoicing here in Syria. Both sides have decided that we want to end the conflict with our own Syrian arms...."

And with some of said arms still attached one assumes.

He continued;

"We don't want the UK or anywhere else flooding our countries with more weapons, for a start we don't have the room anymore. Both sides have decided that were going to settle this in the same way all disputes should be settled....Giant Thunderdome."

He smiled, we smiled everyone around us smiled. Thunderdome solves everything. But wait we asked what happens if you don't get everything sorted by the time he comes back?

"Well the idea then is to turn off all the lights, close the curtains and pretend that the entire countries gone to the pub. You know? Like you do when your mother in law comes round."

We pulled the same technique for TV license inspectors.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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