Written by joseph k winter
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Friday, 12 July 2013

image for Snowden Now Advising Russia's FSO at Club Formulation
Mr. Snowden's disguise as KGB agent

The Guard Dog has just learned that additional to his conference with Amnesty International requesting asylum in Russia Edward Snowden is now advisor to Russia's Federal Guard Service (FSO).

As cover, Mr. Snowden has adopted a new disguise as female KGB agent, allowing him plenty of movement between Sheremetyeov Airport and downtown Moscow to a secret meeting place.

So far Mr. Snowden has been instrumental to Russia's reverting to use of typewriters and handwritten notes instead of electronic devices, which are entirely untrustworthy. Izvestia has just reported the FSO purchasing new Triumph-Adler typewriters.

In background, recent news via The Guardian indicated that sensitive communications of Dmitri Medvedev, during a G20 summit in London 2009, were eavesdropped and intercepted. Russian officials responded with dangerous levels of hyper-tension and difficulty breathing.

Mr. Snowden apparently shuffles between the airport for his rendezvous with the FSO in a Moscow nightclub district at a watering hole known as Club Formulation. He is also rumored to be renting a booth in the club for overnights, and may have a new girlfriend, Alison Anastazi.

Ms. Anastazi is rumored to be both a professional pole dancer at the club and functionary of the FSO herself. The FSO is allied to the FSB, or former KGB spying operation for the Soviets.

President Vladimir Putin has said Mr. Snowden must stop "harming America." But, in response to Mr. Snowden's new advisory work, he stated, "Hey, this advice to revert to typewriters and pens and snail mail is sound, and could apply world-wide, so no harm done here, I think."

But Secretary of State John Kerry has indicated search-and-pursue is now US Navy-wide in case Snowden seeks transport across the oceans. "As with everything else, expense is not a problem," Mr. Kerry declared yesterday.

President Obama then remarked, "We're getting drones ready. This man is more dangerous than Anwar al-Awlaki and his son. In fact, he makes Bin Laden look like an amateur--I'm quoting The Washington Post."

Also reported, Ms. Anastazi at first did not perceive Mr. Snowden to be a male, and suggested he join her on stage at Club Formulation as a pole dancer. Mr. Snowden is considering, since money could become an issue.

Stocks on companies for typewriters, ball point pens, and writing paper are currently surging on the NYSE.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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