Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Rocket, Kazakhstan

Tuesday, 2 July 2013

image for Spooky stuff as yet another unmanned Russian rocket goes tits-up in Kazakhstan
Pyongyang-class Proton-M rocket shortly before disaster struck

Kazakhstan - Accident investigators at the Baikonur Cosmodrome are probing the possibility of hostile poltergeist activity in the latest rocket launch fiasco involving yet another unmanned Russian Proton-M rocket.

The catastrophe occurred shortly after tits-off - er...lift-off! - when the rocket broke up unexpectedly, obliterating the $200 million payload of three satellites for Russia's Glonass global navigation satellite system and showering the surrounding countryside with 500 tonnes of toxic rocket fuel.

"Is bad PR for Kazakh reputation as global space facility," a cosmodrome tech geek commented, "makes us look fool, like Pyongyang."

It's the fifth, possibly sixth, disaster in as many years at the Baikonur launch site which once housed the HQ of the Kazakhstan National Intelligence Agency.

This morning's clean-up began with Kazakh soldiers wearing sophisticated breathing apparatus [ie wet scarves over their faces] and deploying the latest high tech decontamination equipment [buckets of soap and water] to clear the site.

The clear-up operation is likely to last until at least 2016 resulting in the postponement of all 10 other Russian Russian Proton-M rocket launches at the state-of-the-art Kazakh facility.

President Vladimir Putin is being kept informed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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