Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 26 June 2013

image for $5 million for first Kate breastfeeding vid
The website previously scooped Russian spy Anna Chapman preparing to breastfeed

Los Angeles, California - "And another $5 million for a heraldic tramp stamp shot or crown-themed nipple piercing pic," the Culture Editor of an LA celebwatch site promised today after announcing a $5 million bounty for exclusive footage of Baby Cambridge suckling at Kate Middleton's bosom.

Yeah, gross. But whaddahell.

The deal was brokered by the iconic LA FagHagSlagMag.con website in a highly hush-hush rendezvous with London co-partners the Royal YouBoob! Channel amid fears the Queen would blow a gasket if the news ever reached her before Kate's waters broke.

"Yeah, it sure would have sucked," Hortensia Lycanthrop at the site's Culture desk said, "if Her Majesty torpedoed the deal and maybe even sent us to The Tower for our trouble."

Officially there's still nothing doing in the imminent royal parturition stakes with at least two to three weeks to go before the expected birth.

However seasoned baby bump watchers reckon Kate's burgeoning belly could well be straight from the Palace's Special Effects Department.

"Yeah, the word of the street is Kate Middleton miscarried last December and the hospital played it out as chronic morning sickness,"
Ms Lycanthrop added.

"Guess the Palace baby factory's already prepped the clone that's taking over as official royal brat."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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