Written by Bradford Slippers
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Topics: Death, Las Vegas

Friday, 14 November 2003

image for Family Pays Tribute To Self-Righteous Brother
A celebrity house seen from the air, like they always are.

Bill Hatstand, icon of the 'pre-punk' pop era was reunited in death with his estranged brother, Bobby Dazzler today in a funny and touching ceremony at the Las Vegas club where their career, spanning nearly 5 years, started, 5 years ago.

The family paid tribute to his long-standing commitment to piousness and self-righteousness citing examples of spectacular crassness and bad trousers from his varied career in the industry. Many of Hatstand's contemporaries joined the family on stage to share their pithy scripted ponderings, including Scott Wanker and the recently revived Ray O'Bison. O'Bison was typical of the proceedings, forgetting what he was supposed to say half way through and collapsing onto a waiting plastic surgery disaster.

You've Lost That Livin' Feelin'

Leather-jacketed clown David Hasselhoffererrer summed up the mood. "Bobby was a great man and a great friend. Hell, he was always the one who would be pulling me off in the morning. That's Bill. Right"

During his time at the top-flight of entertainment world, Bill was often cited as an inspiration to orange-looking people. David Copperfield was a long-time friend and as if by magic, he appeared on stage just as everybody was leaving. He didn't say anything, but he cut a dog in half with an enormous plastic saw-blade, as acknowledgement of Bill's unnerving interest in animals.

Bill is gone, gone, gone. He's buried in the family safe at their home in Little Point, Arkansas. That's that.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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