Written by Winston Smith
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Wednesday, 27 March 2013

image for Kim Jung Un Hospitalized With Over-Inflated Testicles
Kim's "In your face" scrotum tatoo

According to reliable sources in the Chinese Ministry of Health, North Korean leader Kim Jung Un has been hospitalized in China due to his over-inflated testicles.

Sources close to Kim say that a typographical and translational error occurred before a strategy meeting discussing Western news media reports about Kim's frequent gesticulation during photo ops.

Those in charge of creating the PowrPoint presentation errantly recorded "gesticulation" as "testiculation" and then mistranslated it as "rapidly growing testicles".

This led Kim's policy wonks to believe that those in the West were deathly afraid of anyone with big balls. Kim was secretly fitted with testicular valve stems at a clinic for the Inner Party members in one of the many "Ghost" cities in China. He then returned to North Korea.

After the operation whenever Kim would take offense at remarks by a Western politician or military exercise in South Korea he would get out his bicycle pump and give his nuts a few strokes. The frequency of these offenses caused Kim to pump his nuts too much and soon they were the size of basketballs. He even went so far as to have his scrotum tatooed with the word "Spalding" and black seam lines.

After having difficulty ascending his throne without his balls getting wet Kim invited the Harlem Globe Trotters to come to North Korea to secretly teach him how to handle his big balls. He also wanted to learn how to keep from stepping on them and causing an internal incident.

The Globe Trotters flew in to North Korea last week and immediately upon deplaning, Dennis Rodmen exclaimed,"Yo Kim dude! get your stupid ass and those big balls to the hospital before you get us all killed!"

Kim is being treated in China by Chen Hao and Xu Jing Lei, the two most beautiful women in all of China, who are well known for deflating the egos of many Inner Party officials. They are treating him with their "Me sooo horny, me luv you long time, come on boy and get some" immediately followed by "Don't even think about it. Get the hell away from me you ugly bastard!" technique.

Kim's jewels are reported to be rapidly shrinking under this treatment and he is expected to be released in a few days. There are rumors circulating that he will then undergo psychological treatment for his "small-missile syndrome" which may be the underlying cause of his enmity with the West.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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