Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Topics: Animals, The Pope

Wednesday, 27 February 2013

image for First Non-Human May Become The Next Pope
Possibly The Next Pope

Vatican City-- History is expected to be made next week when Roman Catholic cardinals meet in Vatican City to select a new pope. Rumors are already flying about who--or what--may become the next leader of the Catholic Church. There is speculation that the Cardinals may select an animal to be the next pope.

The sudden departure of Pope Benedict XVI has opened the doors for radical change in the Roman Catholic Church. The Archbishop of Puddleby has suggested the cardinals select a member of the Animal Kingdom.

"Blessed are the beasts, for they toil not--and yet the Savior feeds them." said Archbishop John Doolittle of Puddleby as he misquoted the Bible.

"The next pope needs to be as wise as a wildebeest, as sagacious as a salamander, and as patient as a pachyderm." stated Archbishop Doolittle.

The College of Cardinals is very interested in Archbishop Doolittle's ideas. They have unofficially selected a calico cat from the United States to be the next pontiff. The cat would be free of all sex-abuse allegations that have dogged the Church for years.

"How marvelous!" stated Archbishop Doolittle. "Imagine having not only a cat, but a calico cat as pope. We certainly have entered the 21st Century!" crowed the archbishop with delight.

If the cat does get selected as the next pope he will take the name of Felix V. There were other popes in the early days of the Church named Felix. No one knows if they were people or cats.

"If we can walk with the animals, talk with the animals, grunt and squeak and pray with the animals, and they could talk with God!" said Archbishop Doolittle while misquoting Rex Harrison.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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