Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 11 February 2013

image for Pope Benedict XVI: I'm Resigning, and No, I Will Not Be Appearing On Dancing With The Stars
Pope Benedict XVI shown at a surprise birthday party for Sylvester Stallone. (Photo by Tony Bennett).

VATICAN - The Catholic world is shocked as word has just filtered out of the Vatican that Pope Benedict XVI is quitting.

The pontiff is the first to step down since the middle ages, or as stand up comedian Zydeco Dupree said, back when Betty White was a baby in diapers.

The 85-year-old leader of the Roman Catholic church has turned in his resignation which will be effective February 28, at 2:01 p.m. (Eastern) 1:01 p.m. (Central).

He wanted to clear up the rumor that apparently started in La Brea, California, that he is resigning so that he can appear on the next edition of Dancing With The Stars.

Pope Benny, as Rush Limbaugh calls him, did express to Italy's Daily Vino News Agency's Pasquale Pettigolezzo that he wants to take some time to relax by his papal hat shaped swimming pool, write a book of knock-knock jokes, and go skiing in Aspen, Colorado.

The German-born pontiff also wanted it made perfectly clear that the recent Vatican Bingo Scandal had nothing to do whatsoever with his decision to step down.

SIDENOTE: The last pope to resign the papacy was Celestine V, back in 1294, after he was allegedly caught winking at a visiting nun from Barcelona, Spain, Sister Sally.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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