Written by John_L
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Monday, 11 February 2013

image for Bono announces intention to be the next Pope
Pope Boniface X?

Following the announcement that Pope Benedict the XVI will step down on the 28th of February Bono the lead singer of the band U2 has said that he would like to be the next Bishop of Rome.

Popes are elected by a conclave of cardinals under the age of 80 who spend days discussing the appointment in a small chapel. For most of the last 500 years the Pope has always come from the ranks of Cardinals however the rules state that any baptized Catholic man over the age of 18 can be elected to the post.

"I would live to be the next Pope." Bono said in a statement "I'm every bit as good as anyone t do that. I have already performed great acts like bringing peace to the former Yugoslavia, feeding thousands of starving people in Africa and generally saving the world. If it wasn't for me Nelson Mandela would still be on Robyn Island and George W Bush would starting his fourth term in office. I'm the real spiritual leader of the world anyway so I might as well have the robes and fancy office."

Most people have taken the suggestion that Bono, real name Paul Hewson, could become Pope as being a bit of a joke. Although the reform minded British Catholic Newspaper 'The Tablet' welcomed the idea that someone outside of the circle of Bishops could become Pope. "It would be a good idea to have a Pope who had seen something of life outside the church in the last few years. However Bono is not the right person, no one can take a man seriously who claims to fight poverty yet paid workers below minimum wage at the Hotel he owned with the rest of U2."

Others have pointed to the Prophecy of St Malachy which states that "There will come an Emerald Island a man who will Unite Two tribes without the power of hearing." Stating that Bono is Irish, from the Emerald Isle, and that he took the name Bono from a shop that sold Deaf Aids.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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