Written by Gail Farrelly
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Tuesday, 6 November 2012

image for Snake Kicked Off Plane at Glasgow Airport Gives Interview
Next time he'll take a train or a boat.

It wasn't first-class treatment at all, that's for sure. But then again, he wasn't a first-class passenger. The snake, after all, was just a stowaway.

When he was found slithering along under some seats in a plane from Mexico, he was carted off to an animal center.

Still seething, the snake wasn't eager to talk to a pack of reporters. However, he did agree to talk to one reporter who happens to understand and speak snake talk. So here you have it, straight from the snake's mouth!

Right away, the snake made one thing clear. His name is Sam, although the Scots insist on calling him Furtivo (Spanish for "sneak"). "They didn't even ask me my name, what nerve," Sam whined.

"Humans drive me nuts," he told the reporter. "They rush to see movies like Snakes on a Plane, but then when they see a snake on a plane they go bonkers. Dunno what their problem is," said the outraged snake. "No capiche."

Re his experience on the plane, the snake reported that the food was awful. The movie selection was just as bad. Sam was hoping for entertainment like Raiders of the Lost Ark, something with a little snake action in it. No such luck.

He refused to reveal all the details about how he managed to sneak onto the plane. He did give a hint, though, saying, "Let's just say I'm a big fan of the Bible. And I love it in Exodus where Moses transforms a staff into a serpent." He winked at the reporter and then added, "The transformation can go the other way too, y'know. And did ya see there were a number of folks on the plane with canes?"

Sam's biggest gripe about his treatment in Glasgow? "No chance to shop," he said, adding, "and I had been looking forward to buying myself a new kilt or two."

Like many other travelers, Sam intends to take a train or a boat to his next destination. "It's more relaxing, and the scenery is better," he explained.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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