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Friday, 14 September 2012

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The Catholic church has issued it's version of a Fatwa against roly-poly writer and comedian Ricky Gervais after a serious of attacks and "tweets" deriding the religion and its followers.

The Vatican announced that the Pope had personally authorized that a "Fattwat" be issued against Gervais after he famously tweeted "All Christians Are Tossers" to his 3,000,000 plus twitter followers yesterday.

This is the first "Fattwat" ever authorized by the church, which were specifically created to combat attacks against Catholics made by chubby comedians who may or may not be taking rapid weight loss pills.

Gervais, who famously said in 2011 "I am more popular than God. In fact I am God, I have 3,000,000 followers who listen to my every word, wait for a sign from me, like what I like, and I have become bigger than Jesus. Quite literally."

That comment led to several organized burnings of Gervais' self published book "I am Ricky Gervais. I Hate Black People And People Who Believe In God" in US cities predominantly in the bible belt area of the deep south and Wolverhampton.

Gervais, who recently likened himself to Christ, when he stated: "I am like Jesus in a way. He had those 5 fishes and loaves remember? He didn't have much.....but he made it go a long way. I am the same. I don't have much.....but I am certainly making it go a long long way."

The non violent "Fattwat" calls on Catholics across the world to hit Gervais where it hurts....his palate.....and it encourages food industry workers to boycott serving the greedy comic in restaurants, fast food outlets and cake shops.

"Quite simply we will hit this "funny man" where it hurts most - his belly. He may have fooled his fans that he no longer gauges on pastries and fried food but we know that is a lie. His dramatic weight loss has not curtailed his appetite nor his gluttony, he is taking diet pills, it is just another Gervais lie." announced the Vatican.

Gervais though, remains unfazed by the "Fattwat", announcing in a tweet to his followers, to who he now refers to as his disciples "I see the Pope is trying to cut off my access to food. Won't happen. I spend thousands on meals and food, because I am richer than all of you, I would gladly pay twenty quid for a Big Mac if I had to. No problem when your (sic) me, Ricky Gervais. It won't stop me getting "Extras""

The gloating tweet, common for Gervais who often tweets about his possession, first class lifestyle, hatred of children and celebrity chums was "retweeted" 9689 times by his deluded twitter followers, or as the Catholic church is calling them......sheep.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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