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Tuesday, 14 August 2012

image for Fate of Olympic Stadium decided - could Tesco be taking over?
What can happen in the 600m trolley dash hurdles

In a dramatic move announced today a supermarket in partnership with TV personality Dale Winton, will be taking over the Olympic Stadium used in the recent London Olympics.

The left side of the stadium will become one of the popular shops (open 7.00am till 11pm, or until the local newsagent is forced out of business) that residents love to have blighting their neighbourhoods.

However this shop is to be a much more healthier one, although it will of course still stock the usual lines of salty and sugary instant meal crap, bags of McCain chips, fizzy teeth-rotting drinks and plenty of other high calorie rubbish.

This store will be different in as much as the manager has been confirmed as Dale Winton, the popular TV presenter.

All shopping will be supervised by Dale and run on the lines of his "Supermarket Sweep" quiz show. This TV show saw the educationally subnormal and those who otherwise couldn't get a spot on the Jeremy Kyle show, fluke incredibly puerile questions in order to run around the store trying to gather as much edible rubbish, sweeping brushes, DVD's and toilet cleaner as they could in 30 seconds.

Customers of the store will check-out their goods - although Antony Worrall Thompson may be asked to use a supervised checkout - and depending on the calorie and fat content of their trolley contents, will have to complete an appropriate number of laps of the running track while pushing their trolley in order to be allowed to leave.

For those wishing to take further advantage of the sporting facilities while at the stadium, the supermarket has kindly agreed to supply out of date frozen chickens for shot-putt practice and expired French sticks for javelin practice.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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