Written by David Sapsted
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Thursday, 26 July 2012

Britain's football team stormed off the pitch before their opening Olympics clash against Senegal on Thursday after the players' pictures were displayed on a video screen alongside the flag of Scotland.

The contest at Old Trafford in Manchester was delayed for almost 10 hours after the Team GB players rushed from the pitch, most of them in floods of tears, after the Saltire was displayed on the screen to the amazement of the crowd of almost 200.

Stuart Pearce, the Team GB manager, fumed: "This was a gross insult to our team. What idiot ever thought Scotland was part of Great Britain?"

When a reporter from The Spoof pointed out to Pearce that Scotland had, in fact, been part of Britain since the Act of Union more than 300 years ago, the manager sneered sarcastically: "Oh, is that so, smarty-pants. Well, if that's the case, then why aren't there any Scottish players in my team? Answer me that, clever dick."

Pearce explained that it had taken so long for the Team GB players to return to Old Trafford to restart the game, which the host country eventually lost 14-0, because his players were "so shocked and upset".

He added: "Who could blame them? They have eked out a living since the last Olympics, earning a few, measly millions of pounds a year, for their chance to represent the greatest nation on earth - or, in Gareth Bale's case, Wales.

"When they fled the stadium, deeply traumatised, they naturally sought solace in the homely environment where they feel most comfortable which, in this case, happened to be the Shagworthy nightclub.

"Despite the stress they were under, I am proud to say that my boys only consumed beer, cocktails and champagne bearing the names of Olympic sponsors. It's that sort of team spirit that should make the whole country - and Wales - proud of my boys."

Meanwhile, the official responsible for showing the South Korean flag when the North Korean women's team played on Wednesday evening explained yesterday that he had made his error because "all Far East flags look the same to me".

The North Korean government has demanded a public apology from Prime Minister David Cameron but a Downing Street spokesman said: "The prime minister has already made a private, personal apology for the mix-up." It was only after further questioning that the spokesman admitted the apology was made in a phone call to Lee Myung-Bak, the president South Korea.

Make David Sapsted's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 multiplied by 5?

8 9 10 24

Go to top ^