Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 17 June 2012

image for Giant Crab Nicknamed Crabzilla Spotted In Rome, Italy's Sewer System
Crabzilla exists below this cobble stone street in Rome's underground sewer system. (Photo Credit: Bruno Tonioli).

ROME - Japan has Godzilla, the United States has Sasquatch, Scotland has the Loch Ness Monster, and England has Gordon Ramsay.

But up until now Italy was a monsterless nation known primarily for its wine, pizza, the Colosseum, the Alps, Venice, the Leaning Tower of Pisa, Mt. Vesuvius, and for the fact that the country is shaped like one of Clint Eastwood's old cowboy boots.

Italy's main national newspaper The Daily Vino is reporting that the senior director of Rome's underground sewer system, Amerigo Chianti, has just been informed by two of his veteran inspectors of an amazing discovery.

It seems that while city inspectors Fiorello Arugalino and Giancarlo Mozzarella were down in the city's sewer system making needed repairs to synchronized logistical nuts and bolts within the parameter of the perpendicular calibrated web of communication wires they came upon some kind of creature.

Since the lighting in the underground sewer system is not that good, Arugalino left to retrieve a better, stronger flashlight with Duracell batteries.

When he returned he shined the light toward the far end of the tunnel and immediately noticed two gigantic eyeballs sitting on a plastic like shell.

As he and Mozzarella carefully got closer they noticed four pairs of claws (eight claws). Arugalino asked in broken English, "Hey Giancarlo wadda da hell isa dat damma thing huh?"

Giancarlo replied that he wasn't positive but that it looked like the biggest damn crab that he had ever seen.

The creature as Arugalino called it began moving towards them. Both workers turned to run and in their haste, Arugalino dropped his flashlight which the gigantic crab proceeded to swallow.

When the two underground sewer system workers got back above the ground they immediately called up their boss Amerigo Chianti.

After hearing their story, Chianti shook his head and told them that if they ever drink on the job again they will be fired on the spot.

Giancarlo turned to Fiorello and told him, "You see 'Rello' I told to ju datta we shoulda taken summa photos, yes?"

Fiorello told Giancarlo not to talk to him anymore because he was feeling extremely traumatized and was thinking about calling that famous American lawyer Gloria Allred to defend him.

FOOTNOTE. Fiorello Arugalino called up The Daily Vino and told them that since the underground sewer system incident with Crabzilla, he has not been able to eat any seafood at all including fried shrimp, lobster Newburg, sardines, tuna fish, oysters on the half shell, and fish sticks.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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